Encom Intranet
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Revision as of 15:23, 31 March 2010
Encom Employee Intranet
|
- Direct Link: http://www.encominternational.com/employeeintranet
This page is intended as a backup / mirror of the site and the changes that may occur over time. If you see something changed, please log the details with a date.
March 17, 2010
First referenced via QR Code printed on the Encom Employee Badges received by mail.
March 25, 2010
Arcadeaid.com provides a tool to crack employee logins, revealing the employee IDs and passwords for a number of Encom employees.
Content
Login
Portal login for Encom International's intranet.
- Valid login for players consists of: Encom Employee Number / FlynnLives.com profile password
- Valid logins for Encom staff are listed at Cheatcode
Home Page
Announcements and Notices
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Week of March 22-26, 2010
Fringe Group Gaining Momentum
- While the entire staff here at Encom mourns the disappearance (and probable death) of our former CEO, Kevin Flynn, we cannot just stand idly by and watch as his name is martyred for reasons unknown. A group calling themselves Flynn Lives has been increasing its membership steadily over the past few weeks and this could be immensely disruptive for the Flynn family... and for Encom as a whole.
- [Flynn Lives Image]
- What does this organization hope to achieve? They purport that they want to find Kevin Flynn, but he vanished over two decades ago. Do they really expect to rescue his ghost? Their efforts seem futile, at best.
- All of the renewed attention that Flynn Lives has been garnering could very well cast aspersions on our company. Why did he leave? Was Encom in any way involved? While we all know that our corporation had absolutely nothing to do with Flynn's mysterious circumstances, do we want these questions to be asked in the papers? On the street? On the trading floor of the stock market?
- Encom is a forward thinking company. Looking backwards can only bring trouble.
More QC Workers Hired
- While we continue to move forward on our latest Quality Control initiative, the scope of this project has proven to be more unwieldy than we had foreseen. Therefore, we have taken steps to rectify the situation by hiring another tier of QC personnel.
- [Question Mark Idea Image]
- This reconfiguration of our staff will have ramifications on the annual budget of the R&D wing here at Encom; please adjust your numbers accordingly. Also, we will be ordering more office equipment (desks, computers, lamps - to name a few items), which must be distributed without haste.
- Make no mistake: with everyone's cooperation, we will get this effort back on track, hopefully sooner rather than later.
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Week of March 15-19, 2010
QC Initiative Enters Phase One
- Quality Control is vital to the inner-workings of our company. That's why we have just allocated the necessary funds and workspace to facilitate all of the new employees who will be carrying out some much-needed product testing on a title that we plan to release in the upcoming months.
- [Good Better Best Image]
- To those of you in HR, please make sure that these new recruits file their start paperwork on time and sign the necessary NDA's – we don't want the competition getting wind of our plans before we're ready to announce the next big Encom product to the world. Such a confidentiality leak would result in swift investigations and probable firings.
Run High for Upcoming Announcement
- The Encom press conference will take place less than three weeks from now, and our west coast affiliates are brimming with anticipation. Hotels are already filling up due to the hectic schedule of that weekend, so plan accordingly. Travelers are urged to finalize their schedules, submit them in writing to the appropriate coordinator and cc your itinerary to your supervisor.
- [Picture of City]
E-Mail Etiquette
- Just a friendly reminder: slang terms, obscenities and the excessive use of emoticons are not welcome in any Encom-sanctioned correspondence. This comment is in no way targeted at one specific individual, but merely serves as a guideline for all future e-mails. The following terms and symbols have recently been added to our watchlist and will, from this point forward, be flagged for further investigation:
- -- LOL
- -- : )
- -- BRB
- -- <3
- -- BFF
- -- Chillaxin'
- Thank you in advance for your compliance to these regulations.
Group 7 Updates
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Dress Code Enforcement
- Wednesday, March 24th
- [Dirty Shoes Image]
- While there is no official dress code here at Encom, there are definite guidelines by which we must all adhere. These regulations are listed quite explicitly in your employee handbooks. If you are unfamiliar with our policies, it might behoove you to revisit this handbook and brush up on the basics. Some important highlights:
- * Employees must not wear any tattered garments.
- * Political buttons, pins, stickers and/or t-shirts must not be displayed on your person or in your workspace.
- * Your clothing must not be overly flammable.
- * If your jewelry can also double as a weapon, then it is unacceptable for wearing at Encom.
- * An individual's outfit must cover his/her person in a respectable manner; revealing ensembles are not allowed.
- * Footwear must be appropriate for your given position (for example, you can't wear flip-flops if you work on the loading dock). Safety is paramount here at Encom.
- * Please maintain a standard of cleanliness that reflects a consideration for your fellow employees and for yourself.
- These rules are not meant to be a punishment; we just need to ensure proper conduct and decorum at all times.
Yearly Performance Bonuses
- Wednesday, March 17th
- It's tax season again, so all department heads must file the necessary paperwork regarding this year's bonuses for sales and development personnel – please disseminate this information accordingly.
- [Picture Puzzle Money]
- We will be issuing checks the week before April 15th but, due to recent budget cuts, several restrictions have been applied to the process, including the following:
- Only those employees with a consistent record with Encom for at least five (5) years are eligible for bonus evaluation.
- Only those employees working more than 50 hours per week, on average, will be eligible for bonus evaluation.
- This year, bonuses will max out at 20% less than last year (again, due to budget cuts).
- Please be advised: Encom will allow no exceptions to these rules.
Expense Reports: A Cautionary Tale
- Wednesday, March 17th
- The accounting department has been inundated with expense reports that violate Encom's clearly defined spending policies. Despite the fact that these rules are fully articulated in your employee handbooks, please reacquaint yourself with the following restrictions:
- If you choose to bring your spouse and/or children with you on a business trip, be aware their expenses are not covered.
- In regards to business meals, servicepersons' gratuities are not covered.
- Encom will only reimburse expenses claimed within a reasonable time frame (nothing from 60 days or older).
- [Picture calculator]
- While there are several other egregious infractions in this latest round of expense reports, those are the issues we are encountering most often. Please correct this misuse of corporate funds in the future.
Group 3 Updates
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Yearly Executive Bonuses
- Wednesday, March 24th
- It's tax season again, so all executive-level bonuses will be processed/deposited/wired to the appropriate accounts in the upcoming weeks. It's been a lucrative year for Encom; we've got a lot to be proud of. Just take a look at some of these statistics:
[Dollar sign and money puzzle]
- Our retirement bonuses have increased an average of 23% when compared to last year - we really polished up those golden parachutes!
- We've catapulted three new execs into the Encom Billionaires' Club - congratulations, we make it worth your while to stick with Encom.
- Our top-tier management personnel is now (unofficially) ranked #3 in the world in terms of average wealth. Nicely done, and just below the scrutiny radar.
Outsourcing: A Policy That's Really Going Places
- Congratulations to everyone on a groundbreaking 2009. We look forward to a prosperous 2010 and rewarding those who get us there.
- Wednesday, March 24th
- Outsourcing continues to prove quite beneficial for Encom. Our field offices are leveraging positive press for the regional jobs increases, and our overhead has never been so low. This is how we will stay competitive, this is where the future of business is headed, and this is why we need to stay ahead of public opinion.:
[Outsourcing arrow sign]
- Is profiting from one's hard work and innovation a crime? If so, perhaps Encom is in the wrong business. Our company must follow the most direct path to financial success, and the sign above that path reads, "Outsourcing."
Group 1 Updates
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Budget Cuts in the Wake of Success
- Wednesday, March 24th
- It's true: we're making more money than ever. Revenue from sales is at an all-time high, mergers and acquisitions are accelerating at an unprecedented rate, and Encom is on track to chart record profits for this quarter...
[Changes traffic image]
- Let's keep the momentum going. Effective immediately, we are starting a mandatory staff reorganization initiative. Categorize your employees according to highest salary, highest unpaid bonuses or stock commitments (let's truncate as many of these as possible), and flag any recent hires who are ready to take on more responsibility for less pay. Please note: all cuts must be made by the end of March.
- Sure, this won't make us popular, but it's the perfect time to enact a massive round of layoffs. After all, in these tough economic times, every company is downsizing - why should Encom be any different?
Employee Loyalty at an All-Time High
- Wednesday, March 24th
- Despite our recent reduction of healthcare benefits and elimination of the 401k Employer Matching Funds program, a recent in-house poll of Encom workers shows their allegiance to our corporation going through the roof. Just look at these numbers:
- Appreciative of current leadership - 73%
- Striving to help create a superior product - 86%
- Clearly understanding the parameters of one's position - 68%
- Confidence in co-workers' job performance - 53%
- Unwilling to look elsewhere for employment - 59%
- Propensity to organize into labor unions - 11%
[upward graph line,happy stick figure]
- While that 11% faction does give us pause, the other statistics are reason for celebration. After all, a happy workforce is a productive workforce.
Verbisware E-mail System
Index page
- Includes subject sender and date time stamp size and status for all mails in inbox
- Status does not seem to change after you view the messages...
EncomBadge Hack Account
E-mail 1
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Sender: JM_ACCT_DEPT
Subject: Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Monday, March 15th, 2010, 9:46am
Killer party last weekend! So good to hang with all of you in accounts payable!
BTW, has anyone seen Lila? I can't seem to find her... as I said - KILLER PARTY!
--Silly Jilly
E-mail 2
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Sender: RF_RLTN_DEPT
Subject: Cookie Sales: NOT Sanctioned by Encom
Monday, March 15th, 2010, 3:12pm
This message is being sent to everyone in your department. We do not want to name names, but
someone has invited their child/children into the office to sell cookies for their wilderness
club. Encom does not condone or support this practice, and we must request that you cease this behavior immediately.
Contact me with any questions or concerns,
--Rita, Encom Employee Relations
E-mail 3
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Sender: DG_MGMT_DEPT
Subject: Your J-93 Report?
Tuesday, March 16th, 2010, 11:25am
Still looking for everyone's J-93's. What's the holdup?
Don't mean to bust your chops - if you've already submitted your J for last week, good on ya. If not, please contact my administrative assistant immediately.
See you around,
- --Dan (The MANager)
E-mail 4
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Sender: HY_I.T._DEPT
Subject: Responsible Intranet Access
Tuesday, March 16th, 2010, 2:37pm
It has come to our attention that some employees are receiving non-work related emails in these
intranet message boxes. This account is for Encom business only - please adhere to our guidelines.
Thank you,
-- Encom I.T. Dept.
E-mail 5
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Sender: AB_EXEC_LVL
Subject: A new generation of techies
Tuesday, March 16th, 2010, 5:42pm
Just a quick story I wanted to share with everyone - on my way home the other day, I stopped
at a convenience store for some snacks... Fascinating, I know, but they had an old TRON arcade
machine next to the frozen food aisle. Some kid (not more than 10 years old) was pumping all of
his allowance into the quarter slot and working those controls with every fiber of his being.
When the boy's mother finally ushered him away from the game, he let out a sigh, looked at our
old 80's logo and declared, "Someday, I'm gonna work for Encom."
It just reminded me that we were all that kid at one point in our lives (at least, I was). We
all dreamed of neon game grids and played the hero in our own little fantasy world. Now, we
actually get paid to live in that world, to make it bigger and better for everyone who plays
games or uses computers... and I, for one, am proud of that.
Thanks for indulging me the time to recount this anecdote for y'all,
--Alan Bradley
E-mail 6
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Sender: RF_RLTN_DEPT
Subject: Press Conference Protocol
Friday, March 19th, 2010, 3:03pm
For those of you who plan to attend the press conference in San Francisco, you must keep in mind that you are representing Encom International.
Everything that you do, say and wear reflecrs upon us - make sure that reflection sparkles like a diamond, won't you?
If you are unable to adhere to these high standards, you might want to reconsider attending the press conference altogether.
--Rita, Encom Employee Relations
E-mail 7
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Sender: DG_MGMT_DEPT
Subject: I'm the king of middle-management!
E-mail 8
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E-mail 9
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E-mail 10
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E-mail 11
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Subject:
Alan Bradley's Account
E-mail 1
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Sender: BL_ENG_DEPT
Subject: I owe you ten bucks.
Thursday, March 18th, 2010, 10:51am
Man, why did I bet against the home team? I can't believe I owe a bazillionaire ten bucks on a stupid call like that. You're going down next week, Bradley!
All the guys in programming say "hi," BTW. You should swing through your old department more often - it gives everyone a real kick to
see how one of their own really hit the big time.
Laters,
--Bill
P.S. - That walking piece of slime, Markus Grenwald, has been saying some pretty shady stuff behind your back. I know you don't care
about this kind of gossip, but now he's dragging Sam's name into it - just thought you should know.
E-mail 2
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Sender: MG_MRKT_DEPT
Subject: Best of luck, pal!
Monday, March 22nd, 2010, 9:27am
From the sound of things, you're first in line to head up the latest big initiative. Couldn't go to a nicer guy, in my opinion. I've been
putting in a good word with the big man (not that he listens to us, am I right?)
If there's anything else I can do to help, just let me know.
--Grenwald
E-mail 3
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Sender: BL_ENG_DEPT
Subject: RE: I owe you ten bucks.
Monday, March 22nd, 2010, 12:34pm
Yeah, I figured you knew about the whole Grenwald smear parade - you're always thinking a hundred steps ahead (another reason why I
owe you money, you loser... or opposite of a loser, whatever that would be). And yes, I'm paying you your ten bucks - that's how a bet
works.
Glad you've got an eye on that Markus sitch-u (that's my cool way of saying "situation").
--B-Town (see, I get cooler by the minute)
>You can keep the ten dollars, buddy - I just made a lucky pick.
>And in regards to Markus Grenwald, don't worry about the rumblings you might have heard. Corporate talk is often benign, but these
words get amplified when they're taken out of context.
>Regardless of what is being said behind my back, my agenda remains pretty straightforward. No amount of gossip can affect that.
>I'll make another visit to the programming bullpen as soon as my schedule allows. Until then, try to stay out of trouble down there.
>--Alan
E-mail 4
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Sender: The best
Subject: Dinner?
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010, 3:12pm
So, are we having dinner tonight? Our schedules haven't been meshing so well, lately - I blame you. As you've told me on several occasions,
I'm always right... right?
Talk soon,
--Your WAY better-half
E-mail 5
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E-mail 6
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Markus Grenwald's Account
E-mail 1
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Sender: KH_EXEC_LVL
Subject: RE: Project point person
Thursday, March 18th, 2010, 4:56pm
I hear your concerns and I value your offer. Truth be told, there's no one I'd rather have as our spokesman on this project than you,
Markus. But, this decision is bigger than me - it involves our shareholders, as well.
And please, don't worry about Alan. I'm aware that he missed some meetings in order to attend to matters with Sam Flynn (on more
than the one occasion to which you referred), but those days are most likely behind us. What we need to do now is to focus on the job
at hand and work together to continue this winning streak that we're enjoying here at Encom - not a lot of companies can say the same.
Sincerely,
Mr. Hardington
E-mail 2
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Sender: PJ_SALE_DEPT
Subject: RE: KH, passing the buck
Friday, March 19th, 2010, 10:57am
That's our "fearless leader" for ya.
You totally deserve to run this project, Mark - you earned it.
And it's true - Alan Bradley is unreliable. I like to spell his name "AWOL." And it wasn't just when he was CEO - it happened as
recently as last year. He had to bail that hooligan out of the sheriff's office... again!
Talk soon,
--Pat
E-mail 3
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Sender: AB_EXEC_LVL
Subject: RE: Best of luck, pal!
Monday, March 22nd, 2010, 2:34pm
Thanks for your kind words, Markus - good to know that the marketing team has my back on this one.
All the best,
--Alan
E-mail 4
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E-mail 5
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Subject:
Patricia Jalardy's Account
E-mail 1
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Sender: MG_MRKT_DEPT
Subject: KH, passing the buck
Friday, March 19th, 2010, 9:02am
Can you believe the nerve of Hardington? I ask him, point blank, to make me project lead on this big new contract and he blames the
shareholders for rejecting my request. Fail!!
On the upside, I think Hardington is starting to pay attention to our little campaign against Alan Bradley. He has also noticed Bradley's
lack of commitment - don't know what good it will do me, but it can't hurt to take down Encom's golden boy a peg, right?
Tell me if you hear anything,
--MG
E-mail 2
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Sender: SW_ACCT_DEPT
Subject: RE: Sales projections threatened
Friday, March 19th, 2010, 1:15pm
As your trusted friend (and the gal who saw you through two messy divorces), I’ve gotta tell you – I proofed that report you were thinking
of sending to Kurt Hardington and I don’t think your arguments hold water. I know you had a disagreement with Alan Bradley, but
blaming his initiatives for a potential drop in sales growth? That seems far-fetched. And sales haven’t even dropped, truth be told.
Sure, Bradley convinced the board that it was better to give customers free anti-virus software updates (thus reducing waste
and blah-blah-who-cares). And sure, you could have sold more copies of the new software if you had won the argument (what’s the product
name? Compu-Scrub? On second thought, I don’t think that would have sold so well). But, blaming him for your department’s woes
seems like tattling. And, to reiterate: SALES ARE FINE. Just not as much as you had projected. So, focus on your successes and
ditch the excuses – Hardington would have seen right through them, anyway.
Oh, and on the topic of moneybags Hardington, what’s his deal? Maybe he could be divorce #3 for you (he’d pay a heck of a lot more
alimony that those other two dullards). Think about it…
Call me,
--Stephi
E-mail 3
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Sender: Dr. Lee
Subject: Session cancelled
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010, 4:12pm
This message is to confirm that my office did, in fact, receive your request to cancel this week's therapy session. Although I will honor
your wishes, I must reiterate my professional opinion: that this is no time to waiver on the groundbreaking work we have achieved as of
late. Your propensity to blame others for your professional issues is waning and you have learned to start taking responsibility for your
own success and/or failure.
I suggest we reschedule at your earliest convenience - we don't want to squander the progress we have made thus far.
--Dr. Lee
E-mail 4
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E-mail 5
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Willa Frewer's Account
E-mail 1
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Sender: Timmy the landscaper
Subject: Roses
Thursday, March 18th, 2010, 11:19am
Just wanted to let you know that we have those rosebushes you ordered - they're in our greenhouse now and ready for pickup. Should
we charge them to your account?
Sorry to hear about the ficus tree - just be glad about that whole "lightning never strikes twice" saying... Oh, I hope it's not too soon to
joke about the lightning bolt that killed your ficus.
--Timmy
E-mail 2
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Sender: BP_STAF_DEPT
Subject: Is Mr. Bradley so bad?
Thursday, March 18th, 2010, 9:07pm
What's with all this negativity I've been hearing? You're in the inner-circle, Willa - any ideas? I'm sure as sugar not going to put my job
at risk by asking too many questions, but it seems like Alan Bradley doesn't deserve these whisper-attacks that are coming at him
from all sides. At least you've stayed above the muck - then again, you've always been a classy lady.
From another classy lady,
--Betts (a.k.a. Betsy)
E-mail 3
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Sender: Jack
Subject: RE: I feel guilty
Monday, March 22nd, 2010, 8:43am
In a word: don't. Don't feel guilty for siding with the powers-that-be when it comes to questioning Alan Bradley. That's just the corporate
world, right? You've got to position yourself in the most beneficial way - befriend all parties concerned and be ready for anything.
It doesn't matter if Alan Bradley is the hero in all of this or not - are you willing to stake your reputation on it? Or your job? Be smart
about this, Willa.
--Jack
E-mail 4
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E-mail 5
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Subject:
Kurt Hardington's Account
Email 1
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Sender: MG_MRKT_DEPT
Subject: Project point person
Thursday, March 18th, 2010, 12:14pm
Excuse me for breaking protocol and contacting you directly, sir, but I was just so inspired by the brief conversation (or "convo," to use
your hilarious turn of phrase) - the convo we had in the elevator last week. Remember?
Well, I wanted to express my gratitude to you for taking the time to explain the new initiative to me - exciting stuff! I officially want
to nominate myself as the face of this new product. I know that Alan Bradley might be the more obvious choice, but I truly worry about that
decision. We all know how he put Sam Flynn's needs ahead of Encom's back when we needed his leadership most. He was a CEO,
not a babysitter.
Don't get me wrong - Alan is a great man. I just think this project was made for me.
Thanks again for your time,
--Markus Grenwald, VP of Marketing
Email 2
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Sender: HY_I.T. DEPT
Subject: Remote Desktop Access
Thursday, March 18th, 2010, 2:49pm
Kurt, I've had my team enable your Remote Access account so you can browse the company intranet from wherever you might be. As we
discussed in the last status meeting, not all planned features are currently completed but the core functionality you were requesting is
available. To access it, just click the link below:
Remote Desktop Access
Call me if you have any questions or concerns or encounter any difficulties.
--Harold, ENCOM I.T. DEPT.
Note: This email contains a link to Hardington's Desktop
Email 3
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Sender: PJ_SALE_DEPT
Subject: Sales projections holding steady
Friday, March 19th, 2010, 3:08pm
Good afternoon, Mr. Hardington
Our comprehensive sales report should be on its way to your office (via courier) as we speak, but I just wanted to contact you directly
and assure you that our projections proved largely reliable.
If you would like to discuss this data at any point in the near future, you can always reach me through my secretary.
Have a great day!
--Patricia Jalardy, Head of Sales at Encom International
Email 4
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Sender: Chair Guyz
Subject: Thank you for your purchase!
Monday, March 22nd, 2010, 9:27am
Our records show that you purchased an item from our company just one month ago. Since satisfaction is our top priority, we wanted
to make sure that the office chair and/or recliner was up to your high standards.
Please contact us with any questions or concerns.
--Kenneth, customer relations, Chair Guyz
Email 5
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Sender: FD_STAF_DEPT
Subject: Gretchen checked in
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010, 6:22pm
She called to let me know that she just put the ointment on Princess' eczema patch - I'm so glad I'm your office assistant and not your
personal assistant.
Bottom line: she's doing fine. I mean Princess, not Gretchen.
--Faith
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